What to Do When an Ex Wont Give Your Stuff Back
When one of my exes told me that he didn't love me anymore, it shook me to my core.
I simply couldn't believe that this man who had been lovingly rubbing my back the night before had abruptly fallen out of love with me.
I was so confused and devastated.
For weeks after the breakup, I stayed up late nursing my broken heart, endlessly googling signs your ex still loves you and asking questions like "does my ex still love me?", "does my ex want me back?" and "signs my ex boyfriend still has feelings for me."
Later, I found out for certain that my ex still loved me, but when he initially broke up with me and told me it was over he was hurting and angry and a whole bunch of other emotions that took him a lot of time to process.
One of the most painful things that happens during a breakup is that most people say and do things that they don't mean.
Because of all the painful emotions involved, exes usually act in confusing ways that can be hard to interpret.
Since that breakup, I've helped hundreds of people get back together with their exes and create better relationships than ever before.
When people come to me for private coaching to get their ex back, the first things I ask them about their breakup are to find out whether the signs their ex still loves them are there.
And that list of signs your ex still loves you is what I want to share today.
Update: I originally wrote this for women who want their ex boyfriend back, but if you're a guy reading this, many of these signs your ex still loves you apply to you as well.
Here are some signs your ex still loves you that I look for when I help people get their exes back:
1. Your ex maintains contact with you when they don't have to.
One of the more obvious signs your ex still loves you is that they stay in touch with you.
Your ex might text you out of the blue or reach out to you for really odd, flimsy reasons.
Men don't usually hunger and yearn for an exe's attention if they have completely fallen out of love with her.
That's why if they keep popping into your life without a good reason, it's a sign your ex still loves you.
2. He says he still wants to be friends AND tries to make time for you.
Most of the time when an ex says they still want to be friends, they are really saying that they are not ready to cope with loss.
"Can we still be friends?" is one of those normal things that people say when they choose to breakup– but it reality is not something you should cling to as gospel.
The reason why exes suggest being friends instead of disappearing completely is that downgrading your relationship seems safer than making a clean break.
Since they haven't lived life without you, the unknown is scary.
Also, they might be trying to keep you around as "plan B," particularly if they left you for someone else, wanted a "break" or because they thought the grass was greener on the other side.
Your ex might have genuinely might meant they wanted to be friends in the moment when they said that the first time.
In practice, trying to stay friends with your ex is painful, since it keeps reopening the wound you are trying to heal and move on from.
The real sign that your ex still loves you and doesn't want to let go is whether they consistently try to spend time with you after saying they want to remain friends.
You know your ex better than anyone else. If your ex is just trying to keep you around to feed their ego, you might want to avoid staying friends with your ex.
3. Your ex has extreme emotions about you.
The more extreme your exe's emotional reaction to your breakup– whether it's love, hate or awful deep sadness– the more likely it is that love is lurking below the surface.
Research from the University of Birmingham suggests that women experience more emotional and physical pain after a breakup, but men don't recover from their pain as fully.
It takes men longer to process the loss grief and loss after a breakup or separation.
While women tend to grieve and genuinely move on sooner, often men never do.
This means that if your ex loved you once, he probably still does and has handled the breakup emotionally by burying his feelings instead of fully processing them.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin.
Too many people to count say that their ex was ridiculously angry at them after their breakup but suddenly admitted they were still in love.
Anger is a tricky emotion after a breakup since it usually masks sadness and hurt.
If your ex is really, really angry at you, that does not necessarily mean he hates you or doesn't love you anymore.
The opposite of love is genuine indifference and apathy.
When someone is truly over a relationship, they are usually downright bored and empathetic.
That's possible because there isn't much emotional charge when it comes to their ex. This means that they start treating you in a "friendly" but not "friends" type of way.
This type of emotional reaction toward an ex is way different than passionate anger, sadness or much else.
4. He keeps explaining your breakup.
Does he feel the need to keep rehashing the reasons for your breakup?
Does he send you texts or emails about why he left?
Does he keep bringing up the breakup even when it doesn't make sense?
Does he discuss or "joke" about getting back together?
Has your ex apologized for the breakup?
All of this "closure" your ex is trying to get from you means that they are still trying to sort out your breakup for themselves.
The fact that your ex feels the need to keep talking about the breakup shows that you're still on their mind and they might be having second thoughts.
READ MORE: Exactly How to Get Your Ex Back (Make Them Think It Was Their Idea)
5. Your ex brags about self improvement and accomplishment.
Does your ex mention how great he's doing at the gym?
Does she update you on how incredible her new yoga class is?
Does your exe's new hobbies faintly echo things they know you would approve of?
Did your finally get off their ass and get a job?
Does your ex give off the vibe that they are showing off?
All of these are potential signs your ex still loves you and could be trying to make you jealous.
Or, your ex is still hoping for your approval and wants you to notice the change and be proud of them.
Remember that people don't try to show off for people they don't care about.
6. He drags his feet on tying up loose ends.
Do you still have a lot of your exe's belongings?
Does your ex stall or drag their feet on finishing up any shared business between you?
A personal example– after one breakup, I became fixated on the fact that I left a shawl and a book at an exe's house.
The fact that he hadn't returned these things (or even mentioned them) made me believe that there was still hope for our relationship.
I was completely wrong, but I was still in love with him and wanted to believe that he still loved me.
Resorting to magical thinking is one way that people hold out hope that their ex still loves them after a breakup. It's also a mistake people make with their ex.
Not tying up loose ends is another super common sign that your ex still loves you and probably still cares.
7. Your exe's people try to convince you to talk to them.
It takes a village to support a man who is stuck on a woman.
If you have mutual friends, sometimes his people will drop hints that he misses you, he is probably not subtle about how he still has feelings for you.
When your ex still loves you and wants you back, his friends and family will gently try to push you toward each other both because they believe in love and because they're incredibly sick of listening to him endlessly rant about you.
Or… another sign your ex may still love you is if your exe's guy friends get in touch with you for no good reason.
Awhile back, I was dumped abruptly by a man who I KNEW still loved me.
After a while, his best friend started getting in touch (platonically and respectfully) over Facebook.
I was completely confused at the time about why this guy I barely knew was going out of his way to awkwardly make conversation with me.
Even though I genuinely enjoyed his company, it was a dead giveaway that my ex was not ready to talk to me yet and had sent in reinforcements to gently figure out what I was up to.
Late nights spent wondering, "does my ex still love me?" turned into complete certainty he did when we got back together a few months later.
8. Your ex is not moving on.
Is your ex stubbornly staying single in a quest to "find themself"?
Is he doing the "hurt and wounded" fallen soldier of love thing?
When your ex doesn't move on with someone new it can be a sign that he hopes you will get back together and still loves you.
He might also be so devastated by your breakup that he can't imagine himself dating someone new.
9. Your ex is moving on A LOT.
Has your ex been hooking up with a lot of different people?
Do you sense that none of these rebound relationships have real long term relationship potential?
Maybe your ex has picked out a particular person that they do the whole "Netflix and chill" routine with, but sticks with the "friends with benefits" label.
When they won't move on after your breakup but are trying to feed their ego by distracting themselves with as much attention as possible– you guessed it– it's another sign your ex still loves you.
10. His rebound girlfriend hates your guts with a fiery passion.
This is one of the weirder signs your ex still loves you and wants you back, but hear me out.
Rebound relationships usually include a lot of emotional venting, since the recently broken up person has not had a lot of time to process the breakup before meeting someone new and truly moving on.
As a result, your exe's new girlfriend has probably heard A LOT about you.
She is probably supportive of him but (because he can't seem to talk about you enough) she also has a lot of her own feelings about you.
That doesn't make her mean or evil, just human.
If your ex was actually over your relationship, he would not have overshared as much with his new girlfriend.
You would most likely only be a passing curiosity to her and not inspire much of an extreme emotional reaction either way.
When his new girlfriend really hates you, she probably feels competitive and is trying to stake her territory (unless she's seriously mentally ill).
The fact that this is an issue at all points to his unresolved feelings about you.
11. Your ex stalks your social media.
Does your ex comb through your social media and 'like' your posts?
Do they still comment and share things you post?
Did they recently follow you on Instagram out of the blue?
All of these are signs that your ex may still might have feelings for you.
If they didn't still care about you, they wouldn't be monitoring your social media content like it was essential late-breaking news.
Guys especially don't invest their time and energy into things with no payoff, like keeping in contact with you on the internet.
On the flip side, your ex might also be posting a LOT more than usual about how amazingly happy and perfect their life is now.
If you don't want to get back together, unfriend your ex because having them in your face all the time isn't going to help you move on and feel better about the breakup.
The temptation to stay up late, pointlessly wondering what your ex is doing can be really hard to resist.
Research suggests that people who maintain contact with their exes on social media are more likely to cause damage to their new relationships.
The decision to disconnect with your ex on social media is a highly individual call– but for some people, unfollowing (but staying 'friends') is a happy medium if you eventually want to get back together with your ex.
12. Your ex stays in touch with your people (and his people get in touch with you).
Guys (in particular) with no feelings for their exes cut ties and move on.
If your ex is still initiating contact with your people after the breakup, they might be trying to keep tabs on what you're up to.
Like I mentioned a minute ago, my exe's best friend was all about simply chatting with me months after we had broken up.
That is not normal behavior unless he either wants a chance at dating you or his buddy wants you back. In my case, it was the second thing.
Otherwise, talking to the people you love would be too painful or pointless for your ex to even bother with.
13. He treats you extremely well, even when he doesn't have to.
The way we treat someone is a mirror for how we feel about them (and ourselves).
Your ex might just be a good person, but they might also be subtly trying to make up for breaking up with you.
If he's still trying to consistently show you his good side, he cares about your approval which is a sign he still loves you.
14. Your ex wonders about their competition.
Does your ex ask you if you're dating anyone new?
Do they make little comments about you and dating?
And… if your ex already knows you have moved on and there is someone else in your life, do they keep bringing it up?
It's completely natural to wonder if an ex has moved on after your breakup— whether you still love them or not. People are simply curious creatures.
The biggest sign to look for here is that if your ex misses you, they may act competitive toward your new flame or make weird (awkward) comments about them.
If you feel like your ex is acting weird about the fact that you're dating someone new, it's probably because you can sense their neediness coming through.
15. Your ex been going out and/or drinking a lot.
Heartbroken people will often try to drown their sorrows in an attempt to forget about you.
Going out a lot is not necessarily the behavior of a totally healed person ready to carefully and positively sail into their future.
Your ex is most likely trying to drink and party in an effort to forget you.
That leads me to the next point– which is what your ex does after all those late nights out.
16. Your ex gets in touch with you drunk.
Drunk dialing and texting after a breakup can be annoying and confusing, but if anything, it definitely shows that your ex is thinking about you when their defenses are down.
Regardless of how you feel about your ex or how your ex feels about you— don't entertain it.
Unless you have some kind of shared responsibility with your ex that requires you pick up the phone at all hours (kids or a business), do yourself a big favor and ignore any late night texts or calls from your ex for right now.
Just don't respond or answer the phone after MAXIMUM, 11pm.
If your ex really wants to express something important, they will eventually come out with it sober, so don't believe anything your ex says if they choose to contact you while they're drunk.
Avoiding your ex while they are drunk will save your nerves which will make you more attractive in the long run.
17. Your ex is still there for you.
Does he offer to fix things, do things for you or share his resources (emotional, physical or financial) without being asked?
Do you feel confident you could reliably get in touch your ex and have them help you if you really needed it?
It could be simply because your ex is a good person who still cares about you or it could also be a sign your ex still loves you, misses you and wants you back.
In particular– men's caring comes through in their actions more than any other way.
Are you seeing these signs your ex still loves you?
Do you want another chance at creating the amazing relationship you know you can have with your ex?
Then you have to take action before it's too late.
If your ex still loves you, then you have a pretty good chance of getting your ex back as long as you avoid several key mistakes.
To avoid driving your ex away forever and get my help saving your relationship, get coaching with me here.
Do you still have a chance with your ex?
Elizabeth Stone
Coach Elizabeth Stone is head love coach and founder of Attract The One and Luxe Self.
Through her coaching, writing and online programs she has helped thousands of people save their relationships, manifest love and create amazing, soul-level connections. She is thrilled to have helped so many couples find each other, reignite the spark and save their relationships (hopefully not all those steps are necessary).
Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, Elizabeth Stone's work has gone viral on Your Tango and Thought Catalog as well as been featured on EHarmony, Zoosk, Popsugar, The Good Men Project, Tiny Buddha, Bustle, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, She Knows, Mind's Journal, Read Unwritten, Madame Noire, Digital Romance Inc. and many more.
If you want to manifest love, meet your soul mate or magnetize a man, join Manifest True Love and get started now.
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What to Do When an Ex Wont Give Your Stuff Back
Source: https://attracttheone.com/breakups/17-signs-your-ex-still-loves-you/
49 thoughts on "17 Surefire Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (And What To Do About It)"
Oh my… My ex is still in love with me according to your list!!! As much as it is good for my ego, I have asked for no contact as he does not want an exclusive and monogamous relationship…
He wants a polyamory or open relationship…
12 of 17 of this things describe it,
My EX & I still stay in contact after a year & a half.
LONG VERY INTERESTING STORY AHEAD:
Yet in fact this past August after my Summer breakup #2.
he has directly told me "I am here for you if you ever need me" He rarely reached out but he did for my boyfriend did not commit to friendship so it's weird my older one does since I have not seen him since August of 2016.
every man I've dated treated me as a queen, including Chris and I abused it with saying how we wouldn't last yet brendan was the first to do so, to so very well spoil me and i still miss his ass
( he's admitted he's missed me too)
"One more time" by Britney Spears relates, yet Brendan has given me 3 chances lols why does he still respond always to me ?? 😀
I almost saw him the day after my recent ex brought his GF to my porch since he was too oussy to see me.
I was at UNLV for a College Tour #class of 2018 & Brendan (older ex) graduated last year and attends there, when i told him how I was there, he tiptoed like "oh haha how funny I'm here too! You know finishing up homework" I never made a move as I has bad luck with my other ex and i didn't wanna assume anything only for my guy best friend to message him (they never met) & have Brendan reply to the complete stranger that he likes talking to me and in little words may have feelings for me but since I'm such a flirt and he's been cheated on, he doesn't know what to do about it.
He sends mixed signals and when I least expect it he congrats me like "You should be proud! Keep it up!" And he replies fast but according to my wingman he does the same.
He rarely posts on snapchat but I always do and he looks at every single thing I post.
He was of 2 men I fell for, the other lives in LA & we still talk.
Also Brendan's birthday is a week after mine and he never bothered to wish me happy birthday last year, hr's older, he's 19, I'm 18. My birthday is on October 16th, & his is the 22nd.
Because my recent EX never said Happy birthday, I got closure and the way he dumped me sounded both nice saying he wanted to be friends which was a lie yet brendan wa saying how we should talk it out and time there will be hope.
A month after brendan said we weren't meant to be, I met him online on April 2016. met up June 3rd. 2016. Dating from then until September 22nd because my parents are strict and i kept flirting around and since he live sin other side of town meeting up was hard.
A month after he dumped me, I flirted with him and he flirted back after I told him how i miss his sexy blue eyes, he says "And I miss you seeing them"
The December of 2016 he brags about alcohol, getting alcohol poisoning during his 18th (I'm an athlete) & tells me how he looks fancy right now through text, after i tell him how i love fancy parties, he's like "I love them too i get to look nice haha" (min later…) "I look nice right now" & he usually sends paragraphs and sounds so professional.
And just last Thanksgiving he replied to my Snapchat at 1am after i told him how i was thankful i met him he all of a sudden bragged again about how he was the most lit at his party… But it was less of a brag compared to last year but still.
He never tries to call and it sucks and I have asked him to attend my events but either I tell him i invited other guys (I got nervous) to attend how I made State my first & last year of High School Cross Country.
But then just last month I invited him to an event I hosted, he told me .. "Sounds cool! well i have a fluid schedule and no problem, 3 days in advance isn't bad I never know what's going on until last minute so I'll tell you"
Then when i send him a video of my guy friend and i ice skating he said ( instead of being like " oh fun") He was like… "I can't ice skate"
All is said was "lmao" which is considered dry so he only opened it.
Funny enough he also gives me unvoltary advice but I have to reach out always, wishing me happy birthday & letting me know & sending me papers for UNLV (he's offered to research for me!!) were the 3 times he reached out the past year and a half.
My wingman says he is worth it as he asked Brendan to hangout… Brendan said yes ! And I am attending UNLV anyways (when i told brendan i didn't where to go right after i almost saw him at my college fair last october, he suggested unlv)
He replies so quick and so brief and when we first broke up September 2016, he reached out one time to say hey… My most recent ex never did and when he does reply it is dry as fuck..
Brendan is currently single and Sadies, Prom, My graduation is coming up.. Brendan is a Valedictorian and double majoring in Psychology & Criminal Justice.
I am messing around as I am single but i also know that brendan told my wingman how it's hard to see one another due to how he lives in the other side of town..
It's all confusing but at least I know I have a friend 🙂
I'm currently friends with 4 of 5 of my exes, but Brendan is someone I cant see myself dating again, it takes high maturity to be friends with your ex.
All my exes moved on & we've been on double dates with our new partners.
There is such thing but you need to take time off with communication, move on romantically then be friends.
Not everything's so black & white, in the end if you want him back, you kinda have to be his friend first anyways or else you keep hurting yourself.
It's about finding respectful & patient guys with 0 expectations, funny enough they are all older than me so I guess it helps.
Brendan is one of 2 guys I've ever loved, but he is the only man…..
I would do anything for.
I miss that man's guts sometimes, he is so successful and mature.
My other ex Chris attends CSN so I strive to be above him.
But in the end it's about striving to be above myself, I never thought I'd make nationals for track my very 2nd season.
And brendan is proud, chris lies as indifference.
Because brendan has been respectfully upset at me while Chris didn't seem to care.
The man after him was worse and i miss my white boy to death.
But i also know i could get hurt if i assume but what option do i have ?
Brendan is worth the communication and if it weren't for my mistakes at 16, we'd be together again. I don't deserve him.. yet i treated him worse than chris and he considers me his good friend?
I may be delusional but I also know if I still think of him today after not seeing that man's ass for a year & a half, & we still talk…
I just wish I never messed up, but guess it makes up for a bright future.
I care about you white boy & will always have feeling for you so I'm okay with whatever.
I just want all to know, no matter how patient he is, there's always a chance he'll leave. So never take him for granted because now as a new adult, I still regret losing him….
I hope to see him again. And there's a great chance I might ! I hope !!! XOXOXOXOXO- Eaglelicious #neveragain
Thanks For Your Message Because My Ex Stil Loves Me
What if a guy is this way with all his exes? His ex wife (who he talked about a lot when we were dating). His ex-girlfriend (who he talked about a lot when we were dating, helped out, spent time with). His female friends (some of whom wanted him as more than a friend). I had such a hard time dating him because I liked him so much and wanted to build something that felt safe, good, real, authentic and I felt so guilty being jealous of his ex wife, his ex-girlfriend, his pre-existing female friends. I could not deal with his harem of women and now that we've been broken up 6 months he's getting in touch, telling me what he's been up to, the trips he's taken, the female friend he helped out by letting her stay with him for two months, how his daughter is doing, how is parents and grandma are and then he asks how I am, how my parents are. He offers to be there for me. As he is for all his exs. And it infuriates me. I have never felt such a prolonged, deep-seated, intense, toxic anger, resentment, and betrayal. And I have tried to explain it. And honest to God, he seems not to understand. I have to give up trying to understand him, us, the failure of it all. I don't know why it would help me to be able to find an explanation but I do wish I could come up with some clinical reason for this like being able to think of him as autistic or having Asburgers (sp?) but I don't think he was on the spectrum. He was this shimmery, shiny, exuberant, happy, oblivious, at times loving, distracted, boundry-less individual I grew to love and hate. I could never get from him what I most wanted and needed and he's always willing to waltz back into my life to show me how he is able to have what I wanted from him with others; connect, respect, a relationship (maybe not a romantic relationship). I want to stop feeling so much about it. It's been 6 mo since we last saw ea other and far more than that since things felt possible or good in the relationship. Why are we attracted to people who are so wrong for us. Why did he want someone who needed loyalty and boundaries if he's a free-range kind of guy and why did I want things to work when I saw early on that he has no boundaries and loves everyone the same; the female friend has the same status as the girlfriend and the ex wife and the ex. I am still divided between beating myself up for not being able to be okay with that if that's who he is and hating him for being that way and hating myself for being to scared of how the loss of him would feel, how the loneliness would feel, how the break up would feel. And it all continues to feel hard. Being in it with him was hard, being away, given the attachment, is hard. Psychology is a strange and messy business.
Hi Seattle,
Thanks for your comment. Try not to beat yourself up. These are the things we learn about people as we date and get to know them better.
If someone is friendly with all of their exes, sure, that's confusing, but since you've identified that you didn't get what you wanted and needed from the relationship, it sort of takes the pressure off, right? I mean, who cares if he wants a friendship if you know he's wrong for you. You can take it or leave it in that case.
The other thing to remember is that people don't usually know what they want, especially if they haven't been in a situation that causes them to fine-tune their desires. Your ex is the same way, as frustrating and infuriating as that may be.
I'm in a slime r reationship that impacticm is e
You might want to get out of the slime relationship Judy, that sounds awful and serious 🙂
waw Seatle, I just left the exact same kind of man. you have NO idea how everything you wrote resonates with what I have lived. My ex was speaking NONE stop about other women AND even told me I was smart because I felt that there was smg going on with his "best friend" (female). He told me that I was "extraordinary and had wings like his ex, that is why he loved me, because I was an angel, just like his ex. I am shivering remembering every horrible things he told me "italians ALL cheat on their GFs", I want kids with you, I dont want to have sex with you because you want kids…..he tortured me with his craziness. Leaving was tough but a relief. It's been a month since the breakup and I feel lonely. He called and contactd me with stupid excuses all the time EVEN after I asked NOT TO!And he follows my stories on insta….but I feel he is moving on….I asked him a couple times to leave me alone…..because he does nt love ME he loves ALL WOMEN. And that sucks so badly I want to through up. He is a 34 year old KID who boke my heart.
So my boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago, the reasons are many but I was never one of them. It was small things that had to do with our relationship such as "buzz" from my family (and yeah that kind of sums it up). To point out a fact he had discussed breaking up a few weeks before but then made up his mind and said he wanted to be with me but then changed his mind the day after! He even slept with me twice just to break up with me a few hours later. This is so much more complicated than it sounds because he says he doesn't want to have any contact with me until he's "ready" but still calls me (to promptly say that he doesn't want to talk to me) but after a few minutes he says he still loves me and always will, that he misses me etc. He has specifically told me that we are never going to get back together to later say that there might be a chance for it to happen. He constantly changes his mind and I'm extremely confused. He says that he wants to work on himself etc. but he loves me and so on, but at the same time ge updates his pictures on tinder. I don't know what in the world I'm supposed to do because I still love him with all my heart…
Hi Sarah,
What a difficult, excruciating situation. I suggest that you add more men to the picture by dating other people. Let your ex do his thing but make sure you particularly enjoy the company of other men. I know that's simple but not easy advice. The thing is, your ex has no fear of actually losing you, which sounds bizarre but from his behavior it sounds like he knows you're conquered, so he doesn't feel like he has to worry.
Make him worry.
PHYSICALLYADDICTED4LIFENOPROBLEM
This is actually easy.
He his confused about his own feelings and emotions. He's all over the place, because he is confused with himself, his feelings and he's afraid to lose you, but on ther other hand he needs space to figure his life out. I would personally do the No Contact Rule for 30 days. Block him from calling, texting, reading anything on your Social sites and you have to stay strong and not give in. Just have no contact for 30 days. Don't give in no matter what. He will miss you so much and he will realize what he has lost, how much he misses you andvhe will be back begging for you to forgive him and through this he will have grown up and he will see that you are a lot stronger than he ever thought you were and he won't do this ever again. Because next time he just might losevyou for good.
Hello Sarah,
My boyfriend and I broke up May 14th. And we talked again May 18th in person about the relationship. We have been together for 5 1/2 years there was no real reason for the break up. Our relationship has always been great. He explained that he loves me more than anything and I make him happy and that I have done absolutely nothing wrong that I'm perfect and an amazing girlfriend and everything he has ever wanted and so on. I know his feeling are true about me. I have never seen him cry ever and he teared up and cried while we were talking and it confirmed to me how much he cared. Basically we are very young early 20's and what he said was that he sometimes thinks about being single because all his friends are and he doesn't want me to get mad when he goes all the time ect and the other part of him loves me and wants to be with me and he feels like such an idiot for even doing this. I told him that I love him too but either we're together or not I'm not just going to be his friend because that'll hurt me more. I told him I needed to know if I should move on and leave out of state with my family. He said he just doesn't know and he doesn't want me to leave he loves me but is just conflicted. There was never really an answer he blushes and smiles every time he sees me says how cute and amazing I am and when I last saw him he gave me a huge long sweet hug and said I love you when I left and I said I love you back. I haven't talked to him since then which was about 5 days ago I haven't texted or called him that's the longest we have ever gone without talking. I'm so conflicted because some people say give him space and time and he'll come around but I feel like the longer I wait the more I lose him. At the same time I wish he would chase after me now but he's a guy and well they don't think the same. And the other part of me know how much he loves me and he said he's happy when he's with me. So I want to text him and try and reach out and say something like "I miss you and I love you and we make each other happy wish we could work things out" but I don't know it's so hard not doing anything and I don't know what's going on in his mind.
Sorry is that was long I would sincerely appreciate a response.
Much Love
Hi Dessy,
I think your comment was aimed at me and not Sarah, the commenter above you?
Anyway, here's my take:
5 days is NOTHING in breakup time. And, don't reach out and tell him anything. I guarantee, he KNOWS you love him. He didn't leave you because you don't love him enough. You can't make him change his mind by reassuring him of your feelings for him.
Doing nothing right now is absolutely your best bet here, even though it's literally the hardest thing. Distract yourself any way you can. Since it was his idea to lose you, it's best to let him go so he can see what his decision to break up is like. 5 1/2 years is a long time. Men don't forget about women they love, it's just not the way it works.
But, bring the focus back onto yourself and avoid serious, in-depth talks about the breakup with him from now on. You can't convince him to decide the breakup was a bad idea, he has to do that on his own, with time and space.
My ex and I split up mutually, he then told our child he had met someone new two weeks later ( I'm sure he overlapped a month maybe two before we split) upsetting her…asking her if she wanted to meet her? Our 12 year old was so distressed. Then decided to take this woman to our holiday home,and afew weeks later move in with her. She's so opposite to me in every way…when he thought I was seeing someone he came round begging me not to see anyone else and if I did he would make sure he made it difficult.( I had two days of this) ..he's rang my friends husbands numerous times asking what I'm doing, who I'm with, if I go out, got his sad sister to go through my Facebook to see who I'm talking to, and gone through a male friends Facebook page too….I've had phone calls where he questions what I've said to people,or wether he will let me keep my car ( he pays for at the moment) it's been a nightmare. I love this man I've spent 22 years with but I don't like what he's doing. He questions our daughter about me,and is desperate for her to meet the new girlfriend. I've said to our daughter that when she is ready I will support her decision to meet the girlfriend. This was a man who idolised us,and I'm not naive to say our relationship was great because it wasn't. I stopped sleeping with him two years prior,making excuse after excuse because I just didn't fancy him any more. I know it's the right thing to do, but I still love him. I might have tried to make a go of things had he not upset our daughter so much….why do I want him to feel as shit as I feel? Why, when I hear his name do I get so angry, I could burst? And he still blames me for everything saying I made him run into the arms I'd this woman….the nerve if the man. At the moment I'm doing NC, just for self preservation and to help me move forward. It suits me,but I know realistically I can't always ignore him. I tried ringing my daughter last week whilst she was out with him, and he picked the phone up and started asking me so many questions….it's tiresome,however I feel I'm being hijacked,because I know that whilst he's with my daughter I can't just put the phone down…that just sends out the wrong message.,and I love her so much. He's helpful at times,but I feel like I'm going mad. I live in a small village so everyone knows what's going on, it's embarrassing…more so because no one has a nice word to say about the girlfriend. I choose to ignore it, because I will make my own mind up, but what's the rush…I mean who moves in with someone after afew months? Any help would be appreciated…please tell me I'm doing the right thing,as far as my daughter is concerned…
Low to NC sounds good in your case since you need time to heal and seem so upset. As far as your daughter is concerned, try to be as kind to him as you can and as far as the other woman is concerned, try to ignore it.
It's time for hobbies, distractions, and things that make you happy. You need emotional distance from this situation.
My ex & i broke up 2.5 months ago. This is the longest we've ever gone not communicating since we met 8yrs ago. He loves me very much but him & my childrens father hate one another with a passion. To the point of hurting each other. I love this man but if i choose him… My children will probably never accept him. Their father will try to turn them against me & him bcuz he feels as tho we messed around while him & i were still together. Which isnt true. Im so lost. He hasnt contacted me since April… I miss him so. But im normally always the one that reaches out to him & i need him to show me im worth it this time. Im ready to make a decision but i need to make sure its worth it! Its a big one to make. He understands the situation as well, i jus think he's wanted me for so long that it hurts that we arent officially together. I dont kno what to do. How do i kno he's worth it?? I know he loves me but at times like these…he never reaches out to me. Its like he jus waits for me to contact him & if i dont, we would probably never speak again.
Hi,
My ex broke up with me last month after only dating for one month. He came over to my house to tell me that he didn't think things would work out between us. He had a bad relationship 4 years before dating me, making him insecure and distrusting of women. I tried my best to be understanding but it started taking a toll on our relationship. He felt like because I have guy friends that I might end up cheating on him like his ex girlfriend did. So he said to save himself from the potential heartbreak he decided to cut things off.
I tried to reassure him that I was not like his ex and I told him he just needed to trust me and I understood it would take time to get to that point. However, he did not want to work it out. I was devastated because just a couple nights ago he stated " even though we have different views, I want one message to ring through, you are an amazing person and I'm glad I met you".
Even though I was heart broken, I accepted his decision, we agreed to be friends and he hugged me tightly before he left my house. I got on facebook to change my relationship status to "single" and saw that he posted "After a long conversation , I am now single. Thank you for everything you've done for me and I'm sorry things didn't work out". I thought it was ridiculous that he goes on social media to "thank me" and "apologize" for things not working out when he didn't thank me while he was over my house and he didn't even try to work anything out. he gave up so easily. I even had to delete him off snapchat because he was posting "woe is me. I'm single again" type pictures and it was annoying because he was making me out to be the bad guy when he was the one who ended things.
A couple days later, I go over his house because we agreed to talk out everything so we can properly be friends with no hidden emotions. I listen to him go first about how he still wants me to be in his life because I am a great person, I deserve better than him, but maybe in the future we can try again. Then it is my turn to talk about my feelings, I start off with "the way you handled the break up was really immature. You didn't have to go on social media etc". He got PISSED. Him almost fighting back tears, he starts yelling at me saying I don't acknowledge his feelings (even though I do). I tell him to stop yelling at me and talk to me like an adult (which pisses him off even more) and he kicks me out of his house around 1 am.
Around 4 am, we're angrily texting each other. He's calling me a wh*re (even though I've never cheated on him. Wouldnt know when Id have the time to cheat when I was with him every single day…) I call him an insecure psycho. I google some relationship stuff and narcissism articles popped up and everything he was saying and doing described narcissism to a T. I sent him the links to the articles and told him that his behavior finally made sense and I had the closure I needed to move on.
I didn't text/call him after that. I told him I was deleting and blocking his phone number. He had deleted me off facebook. We have a mutual friend that we're both really good friends with and this past weekend I saw him twice and I was totally indifferent towards him. I didn't say anything to him or even really look in his direction. He was really surprised by that. Our mutual friend invited us out to a club a few days ago and when I showed up, he asked me how I was going. I kept it short, "pretty good", and continued talking to my other friend. He then proceeds to tell me about his life and I just had a look of indifference on my face and nodded.
Fast forward to later that night, I was plastered drunk dancing with other guys, he was not drunk but was dancing with girls. Seeing him with other girls didn't bother me at all. He tried to make me jealous by talking with our friends about which girls were texting him and I chimed in saying oh cool! (mind you, drunk me is a very friendly person). I genuinely was supportive of him talking to other girls and it really shocked him.
At the end of the night, I was so drunk, I was stumbling. He took it upon himself to "make sure I was safe and didn't drive drunk". I reassured him I wasnt going to drive drunk. I was just going to my car to wait for our mutual friend to take me home. He insisted on following me around to keep an eye on me. even sat in the car with me and took my keys from me. I jokingly said, "see? you still don't want to trust me huh?". he just looked away but still wouldn't leave my side. even when i needed to use the restroom, he followed me to each restaurant to find an available restroom. Each time I kept telling him that him following me wasn't necessary. My friend told him the same but he told my friend he "felt responsible for me".
Apparently a girl invited him to a bonfire that night and it was almost over so he got pissed off at my friends and I that we took too long to go. He yells "all I wanted to do was get laid by that girl tonight"! Drunk me, being supportive was like "just go ahead and text her saying you're on your way! If she really wants to hook up, she'll wait up!" For some unknown reason, he got SO pissed off when I said that. It looked like he was about to cry and actually starts banging his head on the middle armrest in our friends car.. My friend comes up and says "let's go and give him some space", my ex yells "she doesn't get what space means!" Im like "huh?" he follows me around for a whole hour and yet im the one that wont give him space?
Why is me being supportive of him talking to other girls so upsetting to him when he was the one who broke up with me and stated we needed to see other people? Why does it make him so upset that I dont care what he does anymore? He's telling our friends that he doesnt want to be around me and im irritating but I dont even say anything to him or even look at him when we're all hanging out under normal circumstances…
I just want to be able to hang out with my friends and not worry if he's going to freak out on me even when I try to distance myself from him. Is he possibly not over me?
My ex and i ended on bad terms he was leading me on and ended up dating someone in less than a few days after the break up, at first he liked all my instagram pictures but i stopped liking his pictures since the day we broke up cause he blocked me after leading me on and also unblocked me after that and now he's stopped liking all my pics too. Weirdly, is that he always appears where I've been a few days before, for example if I've gone somewhere, the few days after I'd see him snapping the same place I've been, he seems happy with his gf so i wonder why?It's not that i like him but i just hate him for leading me and cheating on me.
What if you DONT want him back, but you don't want to upset him…? (He keeps calling me baby)
????????????????
My story is long
… I can see that…
I was done with my ex.. i blocked him from everything, but he emailed me this long nasty message that triggered a response. I went to his house to talk about it and ended up staying there.. and sleeping with him.. the next day i went back for some jewelry that i had forgotten and saw the same woman he cheated on me with there.. drinking with him. I was furious. Why does it hurt so much? Once i blocked him, i was free and i didnt even think about him. And now he has figured out a way to real himself back into my life and i cant stop thinking about him.
It hurts so much because… pheromones. Since you had detoxed before seeing him, you stirred all of those chemical reactions back up when you went over to talk.
I've been out of a 30 year relationship for about 8 years. We have 2 grown kids and grandchildren. He is the one who wanted out of our marriage. We see each other at our kids family gatherings for birthdays, holidays etc., and we're very civil. I've never had another relationship. He has had short term relationships. In public if he sees me talking to another man, he will approach us and ask who the guy is. What does this mean?
It probably means he's simply curious about you. You are still a significant part of his life, so it's normal for someone to wonder what's going on and continue to be a little territorial.
I've been dating this guy for about 8 months. We've been friends for years but never dated. When we met i was married and so was he. I married for love and got cheated on, he got married love but she didnt love him. When we first started dating we talked alll the time about everything. it was like getting my best friend back in my life.Granted i have 2 kids. a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old but he loves my lil girls just as much as i do. We are great together. We want the same things and we're going the same direction. Im an artist and he's a scientist. I got out the navy almost 3 years ago but he's still in. He doesnt get out till 2019. Im happily divorced but he is still married. He told her about me and my kids and said he thinks he's found the one. According to him she's happy for us but according to his mom she's a jealous control freak. He says that they have been split since early 2014. His wife doesnt have facebook anymore. He said he doesn't like to have bad blood with anyone and they were good friends before they got together and he wanted to stay friends. He also said they barely talk and when they do, it's only texting. He said he doesn't love her and doesn't have any feelings for her ut he still cares cuz shes his frnd. He also said he promised her supposedly before we got together that he was gonna go to her graduation which is in Florida. Much farther from where I am. He was supposed to come here to visit me and the kids but kept changing his plans and saying he didnt have the money to come see me but has the money to go to his ex's graduation. I've never doubted him and always trusted him until he did that. We talked all the time. so much that he didn't have time to cheat even if he tried but he's not that type of guy. He's very honest no matter what. Even if it hurts your feelings but when it came to his ex it was like walking on egg shells. After talking to him about how I felt and him telling me that i have nothing worry about I dropped it. His mom called and even told me about his ex and how she was verbally abusive to him and how she never loved him and she was just using him for money. He even told me they never had sex. He said they fooled around but never actually had sex before nor after they got married. He wants a family and kids and to live out west, travel, etc. She doesn't want a family nor kids and she wants to live overseas. I asked him if you knew shes didn't want a family and kids then why did you marry her. He said he thought he could how her how great it would be and then maybe she would change her mind. He told me everything and I didn't ask him to.After that things were great and we had our normal convos and talked about everything and anything from politics to the kids to the future etc. I didn't mind him going to her graduation. The plan was he was supposed to come to sc, we pack up my car and the kids, drive down to Florida, go to her gradution, leave there and go to his dad's house which is 2 hours away, get his stuff, and then keep going west. After we started making plans to move to California, everything was set. He told me multiple times a day how happy I made him and bragged to his family and friends about me and my kids that he referred to as our kids. Treating them like his own. I'm currently residing in sc till dec when we move to California. He is stationed in California already so he was going to set up a place for us. Both of our colleges are there and i have a job waiting for me. it was perfect until about 3 weeks ago. My phone was off for 3 days because I forgot to pay my bill so we didn't get to talk much. Once I got my phone turned back on, he told me that he asked his ex wife if she had extra graduation tickets, he said she said no. I already knew she lied to him because the fall semester hasn't even started yet and graduation tickets aren't given until a month before. So she doesn't even know how many she has. I didn't have a problem with her until she lied to him and I don't like liars. If she looks at him as just a friend then what's wrong with your friend bringing a guest. she wasn't going to see us. It was just convient for us all to go to make it in one trip so we wouldn't back track and spend more money. Ever since he got that answer he was acting strange and about a week later he asked if we could take a break from dating each other. I asked why and he said he wants to be stable and figure himself out. Naturally I was devastated and heartbroken. I went to my besties for advice and all they said was forget him focus on your kids. I always focus on my kids all the time but why cant I focus on myself too and have a life and a bf future hubby. Since we split, we didnt talk for about a week.I saw a post that reminded me of him and I shared it on fb but i didn't tag him in it. He liked and commented on it. Ever since then we have been talking everyday. Nothing like we used to and every once in awhile he calls me and we talk for like 5 or 6 hours straight. He still tells me everything. He told me he trust me and cares about me alot but he doesn't love me anymore. I still love him and I know he knows but I didn't bring up the breakup until he said that he wants to be a father figure or a male influence on my kids lives. I asked him why is that and he said are you gonna be around and I said yes as long as God allows me I'll always be around and here for my kids. Then he said then I'll be there for them too. No parent especially a mother should have to do it alone. He told he loves my kids and thinks they're great kids. Which had me confused because if he wants to be a father to my children but then says he dooesn't love me anymore, why would he want to be be there for me n them and why is it that his ex seems to be an influence on his decision. His words say he only wants to be best friends right now but his actions sometimes show he really cares about us, like he has feelings for me, and even still loves me, but he's fighting it. He says he doesn't think he's good enough for us but he is way more than enough. Please help me with some answers because I am confused by his words and his actions.
I was drinking on the weekend and my ex is now in a relationship with another woman that been dating for a month now and I was drinking on the weekend and he ended up in the same party I was when I went up to him he started to kiss me I told him if he still loves me and he reply what if I don't anymore I got so upset than went off I really don't know
I have been living with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and I have finally had to face the truth: He still loves his ex and if she clicked her fingers I know he would go running back to her (she left him for another guy). He constantly reassures me that I am the one he TRULY loves and wants to be with…..but sometimes I see him staring in to the distance or listening to a particular love song…..and I just KNOW that he is thinking of her. He used to talk about her CONSTANTLY until I threatened to end our relationship because I was sick of hearing about this Woman.
For me it is VERY painful, because this Man is the love of my life and I don't want to live without him…..but sadly SHE is the love of HIS life……
My ex does almost everything on that list except drunk dial and have a new girlfriend. He left me a month ago after a period of arguments and lack of communication. We have a 10 month old son together. He text me back always and we have recently been talking more. I know he misses me and I miss him.. I feel like I lost my best friend. He talks about the breakup all the time and now seems upset that I am doing ok. I am not doing ok.. I just put on a brave face because I don't want to break down in front of him but all I really want to do is call him tell him how much I love him but I simply can't bear the thought of him rejectimg me. When he left it broke ny heart so I feel like I have no choice but to move on. I don't want to but I dont know what to do or say to fix us. He is the love of my life and I just want my family back. I am lost and alone right now. I really do want to be with him but my ego is so fagile right now. Anyone have any advice? I wish I wasn't so scared of rejection.. I really feel like he loves me but he doesn't say it. He told me its hard to see me and not wanna hold me and love on me. I couldn't bring myself to say I wanted that to.. When he left he said to let him go.. That's the only reason I don't pursue him.. We didnt speak for a couple weeks but he seems suprised that I have made improvements for myself almost suprised and he said it hurts him that I am doing better without him. The truth is that I am not it is all a show so he doesn't see my pain.. Should I have a sit down with him and confess that I am very much in love still or just let him go like he said when he left? I am pretty desperate for some advice. I honestly love this man with all my heart.. I want my family back and I know he misses his son as he only sees him on weekends now. This is his first and only child. We are both 35 so we aren't young people.
My ex and I have been together for 9 months. The last three months was long distance he is in Canada I'm in USA, but he broke up with me two days ago which was a week after I came back.
When we first met we know we were meant for each other, we were in extreme happiness and we plan for our future together. We have small fights here and there but we always handled it well.
When I first went to USA, things were going badly. I started complain to him a lot and he tried really hard to give me advice. It was like that for a month, and I started to noticed that we don't skype as often. I reached out to him and told him i should stop complaining to him. But he said he wanted to know if i'm happy or not, he is there for me. So i thought everything is fine. But in July our skype frequency went down to once a week and he didn't contact me for two days at all. So i sent him messages talking about I'm feeling insecure about things (sort of like doubting the relationship because of the loss in contact but said in a harsh way). After that he avoid me: not reply my message for few days, skype one every two weeks.
The day i came back, we had a talk just to let all our feelings out. He said he needed a break, but a week later he message me saying he was burnt out from the relationship and call it a stop.
When i went to his place to pack up my stuff, he cried so hard. He hugged me, we kissed many many times and he said he loves me many times.
I know the angry me was just a temporary stage and now i'm back in my old life and things will get better. I still want to be with him and don't know what to do. we didn't contact each other after the break up.
I'm sorry but I don't see you encouraging ANY of the previous posters in any way that they CAN get their ex back. Isn't this what you're stating you have a formula for? I'm not judging, just confused. It seems as though you see nothing but dead ends.
Hi Danielle,
It's not that I only see dead ends for these relationships— quite the contrary. It's just that the advice I provide here is only snippets, tailored to individual situations when I have the opportunity to respond. Also, what works to get someone back is often quite counterintuitive.
Hope that helps.
—Elizabeth
Well that suits it up! It's been 3 years and my ex occasionally contacts me out of nowhere … saying that he cares about me and wants to stay in touch be friends… it's annoying because every time he does it I hate him more and more for it we end up saying very mean things to each other it's not healthy … it's very hard also because he was my first .. love.
My now ex… Freshly an ex, made out with some chic 2 months ago…. Fast forward to yesterday where I finally had a mental breakdown and apparently that was me finally letting him go. He said that he is just not in love anymore. He still loves me and I am very important to him. He also SAYS he doesn't plan on dating for a while, but he also didn't plan on dating while we were married. He wants to remain really good friends. And people are telling him that just by looking at him, they can tell we will be back together. Honestly, whenever fought. We were always happy. 14 years together and still had great sex, still laughed and talked. We still had a great time together. But when he made out with the girl, he said that he hasn't been happy for years because he fell out of love years ago. I never knew anything. When I had my breakdown, he was right there for me. Once he realized I was there. Friends of his told him that I was asking for help with some texts I sent. I guess when he read that I was in psych he was really upset and couldn't work. He finally came. He feels tons of guilt, I know that. I don't want to confuse guilt for possibilities. Fyi, he's also a very emotionally vulnerable man. So he always tries to make things easier on everyone. We both also said the if it happened again in the future, neither would be opposed to it. He just doesn't want to even try now. Is there any hope or is the fact that he's very emotional, loving and caring kind of make it more difficult to tell?
Also, I forgot to mention that we do still live together and are going to therapy to be able to communicate. We have both been very tense lately…. Obviously. But we never fought, never had any real issues before this. We were that cute relationship that everyone saw and wanted theirs to be like ours. So what kind of hope do I have and what is your advice?
My first ever real boyfriend and first love broke up 18 years ago.we were togetger for a few years.
He cheated on me, I was a 18, he was 22. We were young so I didn't condone what he done but I understood he was maturing and temptation was there.
We kept in contact over the years as he's a very kind person and our relationship was good most of the time.
Hes marriage has just ended after he was cheated on, and he regrets not marrying me which I know is genuine.
I've changed in ways over the years and I'm not the same person I once was though i am similar.
Could it work to be together? He's an amazing father, still kind to me and I wonder what the chances of it working out now we're older and wiser.
We are great together and laugh most of the time, i just wonder what the caution block is for me.
Is it normal for a man to suddenly be happier in my presence and forget about the hurt of his wife cheating and the demise of his family unit?
He wants to unite both of our families as one blended family but it all seems so quick.
Looking for advice i suppose, can a man carry a torch for his first longterm girlfriend years after it ended?
And is it part escapism or can a man genuinely love a woman all these years and why?
Stop going to social media for advice i love you but im not sprung over you, just like you can move on so can i,i messaged you so you can stop slandering my name and get that demon out you we better than that, you keep shootin these slugs calling me a 5 year old but you always going to the internet or to ppl for advice you so smart you dumb realize that all you need is god…
Hi, thanks for the article
Well, I met my ex online from a chatroom. We never met each other. He broke up with me almost 2 years ago because I showed my face on the camera a lot for other men to view, this is what he just told me why he broke up with me, this made him very upset and made the decision. But the thing is, he always offers to help me with financial even we never met each other, he helped me some money right after things went wrong. After broke up, we rarely talk to each other for 2 years. However, recently, I told him that in this 2 years I have never stopped thinking about him. He didn't say anything about his feelings but asked for my new phone number and we talked for a little bit, and he still offered to help me with financial because he heard from my friend who told him about my problems, he felt sorry for all the unlucky things that happened to me in this 2 years, And he wished that he shouldn't broke up with me, but this is what he said to my friend, and my friend told me about it. And then he send me an email asked me if I ever need his help again, he's willing to help. But I refused because deep down, needed him more than the money, but I cannot tell him about that, I just want him to take me back without me forcing him. So, in this case, does he still have feeling for me or something?
how do I know my ex love me when we dont even see or chat
Well.. it's hard to say with no real evidence, Sandra– but breakups are unique like snowflakes. Each is different.
I have a question my ex boyfriend broke up with me almost a year ago and he keeps bringing up why we broke up but the weird thing is when he sees me he looks at me with this longing weird look and makes eye contact with me when he never did that when we were together or when he dont need to . then he told a mutual friend that he couldn't be with me his words were " really you would do that to me" and tells him that he cant talk to me. The weird thing is when we broke up he got with this girl from his job and he told me he got a lot of bad things going on in his life. Is this a sign he still loves me or is it because he moved on but dont want our friend to be with me for a different reason
Exes only act this weird when they either regret the breakup or still have buried feelings for you. However, these buried feelings don't always mean they want to put the relationship back together– just that they still have feelings about the whole thing.
The fact that you're here, reading this and asking about it probably means you feel his interest somewhere in your gut. Whether it's worth it to you to try to get back together or spend time with him is likely a factor of whether YOU still want him and think a relationship could actually work.
My boyfriend broke up with me around 5 months ago after over 4 years of relationship. We had a great relationship, strong connection and went throw a lot. Beginning of year we were planning to buy a house and were trying for baby for some time.Suddenly he said he is confused and lost, don't know what he wants and he is not happy and see me no happy too and I be better without him as he don't want hurt me no more. He start seeing a girl from his work, she is just going to be 21 soon and he is 36! she recently broke up with her boyfriend too, they working together nearly every day over an year but just now started to seeing outside work. He said he doesn't love her and he knows that there is no future, they fighting a lot and he said that they cant talk about serious things, that is no him and her….also few days ago when we met he told me that he told her not to contact him anymore. But still I think something is there and also seeing at work… We talked about getting back together and what brought us to be in this situation.he got kind of bored as working long hours and we live in 1 room, maybe he knows I'm always here and we didn't take care about the relationship much I mean few last months he start to be more cold and distance and didn't tell me that something is wrong. I moved the house 2 weeks ago. he is txt me and calling nearly every day with random questions how are you hope you ok…. when we met twice since he said he miss me and this is probably mistake, we talked about how do things better but at this moment he is lost and don't know what he want and how to get those things back… when he saw me few days ago he told me that he is happy to see me that he feels better now and remind him the good times. he is living in our place still talked about moving out but didn't yet and I still have most of my staff there too as only moved to my friends house to give him space to think and realise. I don't know what to do now. he is very complicated but having a good heart. I know this is not easy for him too and instead of him being happy single life and be happy with this girl for example, he is depressed hardly seeing friends don't speak to anybody and looks very sad and tired and depressed. I know he is my soul mate and I know he still loves me inside, but don't want to admit that and running away from problems, thinking that he done all wrong and he cant change and don't want to hurt me more. Please can you help me as I know we can be happy together, is less than 2 months we were happy and planning our future. I'm bit scared about the non contact rule as he may think I do ignore him and I moved on with my life and all is gone, he is not much type of person to fight too much he better suffer and run away hoping will get better… I'm not bombarding him with my txt etc. but do answer when he txt or call and we talk calmly I'm showing him that I care but no asking him questions or begging him to come back. however I was doing that before I moved out the house and I know that this was taking him more away from me. I don't know if he still seeing this girl outside work as 3 days ago he say he will stop and told her already…but as I'm not with him I don't know also she is so young and I think using him not to be alone as first time in her life living alone think not much friends… Please help me I do anything and pay anything just not sure about this no contact towards him if something else is possible than that will be great. I do anything. thank you
My ex does most of these things and he broke up with me 3 months ago (mostly due to my negativity and recent stress/unsupportiveness/attitude towards him, but him realizing he had feelings for another girl still was the final straw I guess). We've been talking and spending time together for a month now but he knows I have trust issues bc of the other girl thing (which he ended a couple weeks after breakup). He hasn't made a move on me yet but I know by the way he treats me, acts around me, and looks at me that there's something still there but he might be conflicted and unsure if we can make it work. I'm not sure if I should give it time or what. We were together for 6 years and there's a significant connection with us.
I should also point out that a month ago, it was him who reached out to establish a connection again…asking me to meet for coffee and after that we planned for another "date-y" evening the next week. I'm a bit concerned that I don't feel like it's progressing and I think I pushed getting back together too soon and was still emotional, but maybe it will take a lot longer than I expected, and I'm not going to mention anything about getting back together for a little while longer.
Sabrina, I am in the almost exact situation. He moved out 4 mos. ago. He has always initiated contact from the beginning. I was not the one to call or text. He has come over to do things for me around the house. A month after we broke up he was seeing someone else. He doesn't talk about her except I've asked and he says it is about to be done. I'm thinking in the beginning it's a rebound. But they still talk occasionally on the phone. He has talked about the future of us getting back together and perhaps getting married. Says he's confused because when he moved out he thought I didn't love him anymore. He thought when he left I would be glad. Then I acted liked I cared and it confused him. Then I find out he was with her this past weekend. We have met for lunch and dinner. He seems like he's rehashing the relationship where communication broke down. He has told me he loves me a couple of times. But now I'm confused. I wrote a short email and have basically said bye and started NC today. I'm at a loss. I'm not sure about NC with him bc he will take it as I don't care and be done. But I'm not going to be in a triangle situation. Figure it out! Because I know him so well after 6 years I do know that he is very confused with life in general with his job, finding himself and feeling good about himself again. But I know I'm worth more so think I'm going to hold out NC.
Hi,My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago, after he started Uni. We were together for 3 years, He said he wanted to be single as he's never been one for going out with his mates. We have always enjoyed spending our time together. He has since been drinking heavily and sleeping with loads of girls. I have not contacted him since. Will he ever get tired of his new life and contact me? We were moving in together next year and going on holiday. Will he ever think about me?
Thank you for any advice.
My ex called time on our marriage, i moved on quickly. It wasn't that i didn't totally love her, i did, it was just that she was so cold and dark about it all that it kind of shocked me and later (quite quickly) made me see another side to her personality, a side i didn't want to be with.
However, there are many things in your list that could give people false hope. For example, i'd genuinely like to stay friends with my ex. I have zero interest in romance with her, not even break up sex. None at all. But being civil, having catch up coffee, chatting i'm good with all of that. We share kids as well so i'd even do a joint movie or weekend taking them somewhere, but seriously, for me it's entirely friend zone, i'm just not interested in ever coupling up again.
As for volunteering to help, i do that too, i'm really good at DIY and i came out of the marriage financially sound – so when she needed help at her place fixing things a bit of decorating, i offered. Again, i just see her a friend, the mother of my kids. So i feel comfortable offering assistance because we should all attempt to be good and kind where we can.
I spent 19 years with my ex, it was a good run, but it's in the past. I feel looking back like it was the right move now. We had different moral characters and values. I believe i lead a better life alone and i do worry for her the way she drinks and parties etc, she just seems lost. I do feel a compassion for her like i'd like to help her, but that's not romantic either, it's trying to save a person who seems all over the place and perhaps self destructive.
I would never have asked for the divorce, was 100% loyal the whole marriage, and she had a great lifestyle which pretty much all her friend envied. Post marriage, i'd lost track of what i look like and when i put myself out there to date it just took off, i was pretty much able to swipe on all the most attractive women on dating apps even 10 years or more younger and they'd message me. That isn't to be arrogant as i didn't realise i had that ability. However, life for me has played out fantastically. I date girls a lot younger than me, i have more free time, i feel more peaceful in life, i get to pursue my hobbies, i sleep better, and i'm better off financially.
That isn't to boast, i just want to let people know that even if you didn't initiate a divorce, if you were great partner, compassionate, loving, generous, divorce can happen, but you will get over it in time and looking back you may well realise it was one of the best, most freeing things that could happen to you.
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